"Romance Redefined"

"She never won prom queen or caught the eye of the star football player, and he never understood why. To him, she was the most stunning girl that had ever walked the earth. But in her eyes, she was nothing special. Insecurities and shame had haunted her for years. Oh, but in his eyes, she was perfection.

Everywhere the couple went, people couldn’t help but notice a relationship that was unlike anything the most romantic movie had ever portrayed. After ten years of marriage, he was still enthralled by her. The way she walked, the way she laughed, the way she cried and the way she fell asleep in his arms. It captivated him in a way that surpassed his wildest dreams. To him, she was the essence of beauty. And with him, she truly felt beautiful.

One winter, she fell ill. The disease was incurable. Doctors would not allow for her to have any contact with anyone lest they fall ill also. Completely devastated in the deepest sense, the strongest warning could not stop him. No, he refused to live without her. Nothing could keep him from her. Not for a second did he hesitate to shove past the nurses to stand by her bedside, stroking her face in the same way that he had every night since they had been married. He had promised "until death do us part," and he meant it.

Just as the trees are budding and flowers are blossoming around us, exactly as they do year after year, God never fails to come through on His promises. He is the author of romance. He wrote the first love story, and ever since, men and women have spent their lives attempting to recapture the bliss of the greatest event in history.

Here in lies the reality of our situation. God climbed into our hospital beds. He came down into our sickness. He gave up His right to life so that He can hold us in His arms. So that we would have a hand to hold onto when school gets crazy, things seem out of control or when death seems to be our only way of escape. He wants to know us. He wants to know me. He wants me to look deep into His eyes and know that everything is okay. He wants to set us free, and he wants to see us enjoying the freedom He Himself purchased for us.

He even went a step further than the man in my little illustration. My God did not simply stand by my bedside when I was on my death bed. He climbed into my bed. And since there was not room for both of us, He pushed me off and took my place. Today, I stand healed, completely captivated by the One whose love was so much greater than anything I could ever know or imagine.

Are you living as if the God of the universe suffered in your place?

Have you truly embraced the freedom that was purchased for you on the cross?

**If you've never had a chance to read this love story for yourself, I would highly recommend it. Start off with the book of John and let yourself be captivated by the beauty of the Lover that whispers your name."

~this was written by my dear friend Ashley Howell, and to me it truly captures the essence of the type of love that our Creator has for us and the picture of a relationship with Him... I could not help sharing...

Abundance in Him

"My mouth will tell of your righteous acts,

of your deeds of salvation all the day,

for their number is past my knowledge"

~Psalm 71:15

As I type this, my heart is overflowing.  I have witnessed God in so many ways over the past few days, I don't even know where to begin.  If you would have been on the other end of my hour long phone conversation this evening, you would know what I mean.  Meagan, a CRU staff member from Texas who is going to Santa Cruz this summer, called me to check in on the process, and we discussed the radical things that God has been doing, and the ways that He has shown up in some pretty profound ways.

I am just resting in awe of Him this week, taking a step back to process all that God has been doing just over the past week in my life... so much.  This verse above (Psalm 71:15) hit home with me as I have witnessed the Lord recently...I am resting in what He continues to present me, opening my eyes to the many greater things He is doing in hearts and lives around me.  It's as if He is saying just wait, look for what I am doing around you...witness my hand moving here... I am with you...take comfort in each thing I bring your way...just wait, this is only a glimpse of what is to come.  Enjoy being part of my greater plan...this is Me.

The other day, my "Jesus Calling" devotional ended with:  "There is abundant life in my presence today."  I am trying to approach each day looking for what He has in store, and I have been delighting so much in seeing my Father present Himself in the craziest, most beautiful ways... His timing is so perfect.  In an effort to convey my heart right now, I decided to just write...and this is where my "pen" took me...

God YOU are my joy

in You, i have freedom and adventure.

my heart explodes, You have infused me with a love that overflows,

inner joy that cannot be contained; i must praise You.

You have made me to be in relationship with You--

I could think of nothing more satisfying, nothing more exciting

than being part of the plan that You have designed before me--

You know me so well.  How could I not want to follow You?

Is a man to choose "choice A"- hopelessly following himself every day?

Or

Is man to choose "choice B": the steadfast, loving, fulfilling path of the Creator & Sustainer,

the One who knit me together in the womb, formed me, knows me...

 better than I know myself.

Do I choose me, or do I choose You?  

Your word says to give it all up, to surrender it all to You--

 that means to give up "me" too.

my selfish ambition, my plans, my idols, my place

Lord, please make me "less" and make You "more";

I only seek to see Your face

for I am a sinner, saved only by Your grace...

What sounds better-- choice A or choice B? 

Choice B is that You, the God of all creation...wants a relationship with me

I don't know about you, but I choose B!

I was once blinded by sin, but now I see...

I am a sinner-- one who fails, I fail every day,

 I lose my focus on You, I constantly go astray.

But God you are faithful-- You pick me right up. You choose me to love and you fill up my cup. 

 Your greatness, Your ability to heal, restore, renew

is before me, behind me, and in front of me too.

You guide me and provide for me,

You are everlasting, consistent, and do not hide from me

You are available, loving, and merciful

You strech out your arms wide for me...

Lord, You even live inside of me!

How abundantly, how generously You provide for me...

I cannot praise You enough.

You fill my heart, You overflow my cup....how abundant is Your love.... 

inspiration from verses:

*Psalm 139:13-14

Psalm 23:5

Matthew 10:34-39

Catching up to where I am now...

Today I have overheard many conversations about the end of the semester, and how little time there is left in this year.  It has begun to really hit me about how close Summer Project really is.... I leave in 7 weeks!!!  Wow.  As I have received more and more information about Santa Cruz and all of the plans for the summer, I have also had the chance to meet many of the other students that will be going there with me this summer from NCSU.  It has been so awesome to hear how God has been working in their lives, and to also hear the background as to how they ended up applying for and choosing Santa Cruz for the summer.  Many of the people that are going from NC State, I did not know beforehand, so I have loved the chance to meet these awesome new friends and begin relationships that are sure to grow deeper this summer.  After hearing about how others were led to the Santa Cruz project this summer,  I figured that I would share that with you about my life over the past 2 years leading up to this summer, as many of you may be hearing about Summer Project for the first time through a letter or on this blog!  I am overjoyed to share all that God is/has been doing in my life with you, and to have you join me on this exciting adventure! :)

Background:

Things really began to change at the end of my senior year of high school, when God began to move in my life in ways that I had never experienced before.  The college application & decision process had worn me out.  I had reached a place where the plans that I had made for myself we not exactly panning out, and I was beyond exhausted after 4 years of trying to steer and secure my own future.  Through that process, the Lord brought me to a place where I began to completely surrender and let go of things that I had tried to control and plan out for so long.  He led me to NC State, an unexpected choice for someone more interested in humanities than math/science, and although I really had no idea why He had led me there or what I would do,  I had to truly rely on Him and trust that He had a plan for me there.  I could not see it myself (which definitely scared me at first!) but God is so sovereign, and it was not long before He started to piece together the beginning of the most beautiful and remarkable chapter in my life...

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart

and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, 

and He will make your paths straight"

~Proverbs 3:5-6

Freshman year, God opened my eyes to many things, mainly my desperate need for Him and His saving grace!  He placed people in my life who challenged me in my spiritual growth, and led me to a Gospel-teaching church where I began to learn so much about Him, and became captivated by His Word.  Early on in the year, I got plugged in to Campus Crusade for Christ, a christian ministry on campus, where I joined a Bible study, and met many other christians, who have become such an encouraging community and have supported me and challenged me in my walk.  I heard about Summer Project at worship one Thursday night, and I was captivated at the thought of serving God in that way.  I had never been drawn to anything quite like it before, and wanted to know more about it.  Since I already had summer plans, I began praying about the following summer and what God may have in store.

Flash forward to December 2011...through a series of wonderful events, encouragement from friends, and lots of prayer, I felt strongly about applying for Summer Project, but did not know what location to even apply for.  There are SO many stateside and international summer projects, but after talking to friends, I decided that going alongside other NCSU students would be a good option, considering we could continue friendships and whatnot after the summer ended, and it would be nice to have friends around who experienced the same thing after such an influential summer.  So I prayed.  I prayed for answers and direction, guidance and encouragement.  After attending Encounter, Campus Crusade's winter conference, I felt very drawn to Santa Cruz, and ended up filling out the application and submitting it before Christmas break ended. 

 Six weeks later, I heard the news that I had been accepted!!! (See previous post :)) and the prospect of going to California began to get real.  Letters have been sent out, prayers are continuing to be prayed, and God has not ceased to work and faithfully to provide. Since being accepted, I have (just recently) booked my flight, been offered employment (!), and seen the Lord remind me of His hand in all of this.

This year...

The word that I selected for 2012 was "challenge"

--> I want to challenge myself spiritually.  To constantly be growing in my relationship with Him.  I want to trust in the Lord with all that I am.  Completely surrender myself to Him-- for His glory.  For Him to use me in whatever way He will, following whatever plan He has for my life.  This year, I am abandoning more of "me" and seeking more of Him.  That means trusting Him...really trusting Him.  Loving Him.  Investing time with Him.  Drawing near to Him.  Learning more about Him.  Serving Him.  Seeking guidance, wisdom, & growth through His Word.  This summer will most definitely be a step of faith, as I trust in the Lord to not only provide financially for the trip, but also to lead me and take care of me through the process!  It has already been a beautiful experience...He is so faithful, and I have already begun to see Him work in some incredible ways. 

I cannot wait to share more with you about this process, and I hope that you will join me in prayer over this summer, and in sharing this experience with me, even if it is just through this blog!  I will do my best to update as often as possible, and to share some of what God is doing each step of the way.  I am so very thankful for all of my family member, friends, and supporters, who have encouraged me, prayed for me, and supported me to make this Project possible.  

*Feel free to comment on here, to "follow" this blog, etc. -- this is the main form of communication that I will be using this summer, as I will probably disable my Facebook temporarily!